一般人都不愿意让别人看见自己脆弱的一面
当然,我也不例外
总是会忍着眼泪...
痛是什么 ?
身体上的痛 心灵上的痛 我都太习惯了
已忘了什么是痛 忘了什么是眼泪
现在的我开始觉得麻木了
一直生病 真的不好受
浪费了很多时间 错过了很多时刻
忍痛了多少次 但却不能放弃
越来越频密了 有婉转的余地吗 ?
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Health Prob
GOD..HELP !!!
i just had a 1 wk trip at the hosp...i got admitted right after my last exam pp...
missed the chance 2 go 4 the gatherin with ywen...sad... :'(
i tot i would b OK after hvin the treatment 8 months ago...( when i missed my final exam cuz i was admitted 2 the hosp)
but then doc said...they c no improvement in my blood n urine results ...
so they asked me 2 REDO everythin...
i transfused Methyl Prednisolone...a kind of steroid...
in fact, i take steroid everyday 2 suppress my immune system ...
( 4 ur info, my sickness ( SLE ) is smth like my own cells attackin one another , so my immune system cannot b 2 strong..otherwise...i will get relapsed)
n now...they r attackin my kidneys...my kidneys r leakin act...means protein comin out ...like kidneys not functionin well...if i dun do treatment asap...will later lead 2 kidney failure = TRAGEDY
my body is a bit swollen...i need 2 take med 2 help me 2 get rid of xtra water inside my body
Later..i had plasmapheresis..
its smth like dialysis....
Plasmapheresis is the removal,treatment, and return of components of blood plasma from blood circulation.
During plasmapheresis, blood is initially taken out of the body through the needle or previously implanted catheter.
Catherer is a tube tat is act inserted into ur body ...with 2 smaller tubes hangin ...
it was act implanted on my thigh ...wat can i say bout it ? DAMN PAINFUL
4 the implantation..i oni felt painful when the doc injected the anesthetic...n i didnt really feel anythin when he inserted the tube
this is my 3rd time doin this...but this is the 1st time i saw the tube...OMG...i tot it was just small like needle...NO... the tube implanted was like a wire with length of a long ruler n circumference of a pencil...it looked quite disgustin i hv 2 say....
n it was REALLY REALLY PAINFUL when the nurse cleaned the part 4 me...2 prevent infection...
btw...i transfused a pack of blood oso....due to low blood count...
it took 3 days 4 plasmapheresis...n OMG...a new doc helped me 2 take out the catherer...
i was really scared...i was afraid tat it would b so painful man...i got so HOT...
then really ....it was truly painful...but the doc was nice...summore adjusted the position so tat i wouldnt feel so painful
In plasma xchange, the removed plasma is discarded and the patient receives replacement donor plasma, albumin or saline with added proteins...
n the 1 i need is ALBUMIN... my albumin level is really really LOW....
Then, i transfused a very exp med called IVIG....this is the 3rd time i transfused this IVIG ...normally they gv u after the plasmapheresis..its part of the treatment...
Guess how much this IVIG costs ..............RM9000 smth
1st time i didnt pay 4 it...it was FREE
2nd time...i had 2 pay on my own...
this time....the social worker was very nice...helped me 2 apply so that i oni need 2 pay 10% of the price which is RM900 smth...
There comes the last part of the treatment....n its a SUPER EXPENSIVE med called Rituximab
i hv 2 hv 6 courses...once 1 wk continuously...
1 course costs RM5000....means altogether RM30000
they r act referin 2 the social welfare...but not sure they will get the approval....so v might need 2 pay on my own...cuz ...its quite urgent..
chance of gettin recovered ( oni 4 the kidney part n not my sickness) = 70%
but i found this in wikipedia..." a small no of patients with SLE hv died in the context of being treated with Rituximab "....
i dunno y...i feel like cryin when i c this...i m afraid tat smth bad will happen...
In fact...i cried...
although i know the doc will b supervisin this...sumtimes things r just not like wat u expect...
All these ( gettin admitted 2 hosp, takin med, seein doc, gettin sick ) hv act occupied quite a part of my life...
it had been so many times tat my hols r reserved 4 admission 2 the hosp...o gettin sick...
i wonder whether my life is oni 4 studies n gettin sick...
tats y now..i really dun care so much ady...
U WILL NVR KNOW IF U WILL STILL BE HERE 2MR....
sO JUST DO WATEVER U 1 2 DO ....
i wanna go play..i will go...
i wanna hv fun...i will hv...
i wanna go shoppin...i will go...
but of cuz studies r still the most important 1...surely i will still work hard 4 tat
i just dun wanna waste my life...esp my youth life...i wanna b like any1 else out there oso...
i dun 1 2 b SPECIAL ...
To frenz,
Tq...guys 4 always supportin me...both emotionally n physically...WAT R FRENZ 4 ???
being with u guys...i really feel relaxed n happy....in fact, i dun pretend 2 b happy...i really feel happy when i m with u all...no need 2 FAN...LOVE U ALL !!!
i just had a 1 wk trip at the hosp...i got admitted right after my last exam pp...
missed the chance 2 go 4 the gatherin with ywen...sad... :'(
i tot i would b OK after hvin the treatment 8 months ago...( when i missed my final exam cuz i was admitted 2 the hosp)
but then doc said...they c no improvement in my blood n urine results ...
so they asked me 2 REDO everythin...
i transfused Methyl Prednisolone...a kind of steroid...
in fact, i take steroid everyday 2 suppress my immune system ...
( 4 ur info, my sickness ( SLE ) is smth like my own cells attackin one another , so my immune system cannot b 2 strong..otherwise...i will get relapsed)
n now...they r attackin my kidneys...my kidneys r leakin act...means protein comin out ...like kidneys not functionin well...if i dun do treatment asap...will later lead 2 kidney failure = TRAGEDY
my body is a bit swollen...i need 2 take med 2 help me 2 get rid of xtra water inside my body
Later..i had plasmapheresis..
its smth like dialysis....
Plasmapheresis is the removal,treatment, and return of components of blood plasma from blood circulation.
During plasmapheresis, blood is initially taken out of the body through the needle or previously implanted catheter.
Catherer is a tube tat is act inserted into ur body ...with 2 smaller tubes hangin ...
it was act implanted on my thigh ...wat can i say bout it ? DAMN PAINFUL
4 the implantation..i oni felt painful when the doc injected the anesthetic...n i didnt really feel anythin when he inserted the tube
this is my 3rd time doin this...but this is the 1st time i saw the tube...OMG...i tot it was just small like needle...NO... the tube implanted was like a wire with length of a long ruler n circumference of a pencil...it looked quite disgustin i hv 2 say....
n it was REALLY REALLY PAINFUL when the nurse cleaned the part 4 me...2 prevent infection...
btw...i transfused a pack of blood oso....due to low blood count...
it took 3 days 4 plasmapheresis...n OMG...a new doc helped me 2 take out the catherer...
i was really scared...i was afraid tat it would b so painful man...i got so HOT...
then really ....it was truly painful...but the doc was nice...summore adjusted the position so tat i wouldnt feel so painful
In plasma xchange, the removed plasma is discarded and the patient receives replacement donor plasma, albumin or saline with added proteins...
n the 1 i need is ALBUMIN... my albumin level is really really LOW....
Then, i transfused a very exp med called IVIG....this is the 3rd time i transfused this IVIG ...normally they gv u after the plasmapheresis..its part of the treatment...
Guess how much this IVIG costs ..............RM9000 smth
1st time i didnt pay 4 it...it was FREE
2nd time...i had 2 pay on my own...
this time....the social worker was very nice...helped me 2 apply so that i oni need 2 pay 10% of the price which is RM900 smth...
There comes the last part of the treatment....n its a SUPER EXPENSIVE med called Rituximab
i hv 2 hv 6 courses...once 1 wk continuously...
1 course costs RM5000....means altogether RM30000
they r act referin 2 the social welfare...but not sure they will get the approval....so v might need 2 pay on my own...cuz ...its quite urgent..
chance of gettin recovered ( oni 4 the kidney part n not my sickness) = 70%
but i found this in wikipedia..." a small no of patients with SLE hv died in the context of being treated with Rituximab "....
i dunno y...i feel like cryin when i c this...i m afraid tat smth bad will happen...
In fact...i cried...
although i know the doc will b supervisin this...sumtimes things r just not like wat u expect...
All these ( gettin admitted 2 hosp, takin med, seein doc, gettin sick ) hv act occupied quite a part of my life...
it had been so many times tat my hols r reserved 4 admission 2 the hosp...o gettin sick...
i wonder whether my life is oni 4 studies n gettin sick...
tats y now..i really dun care so much ady...
U WILL NVR KNOW IF U WILL STILL BE HERE 2MR....
sO JUST DO WATEVER U 1 2 DO ....
i wanna go play..i will go...
i wanna hv fun...i will hv...
i wanna go shoppin...i will go...
but of cuz studies r still the most important 1...surely i will still work hard 4 tat
i just dun wanna waste my life...esp my youth life...i wanna b like any1 else out there oso...
i dun 1 2 b SPECIAL ...
To frenz,
Tq...guys 4 always supportin me...both emotionally n physically...WAT R FRENZ 4 ???
being with u guys...i really feel relaxed n happy....in fact, i dun pretend 2 b happy...i really feel happy when i m with u all...no need 2 FAN...LOVE U ALL !!!
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